Confessions of a trust fund baby

(Spoiler alert: Being called a trust fund baby held me back for years)

I am privileged. More than privileged: some would even call me a trust-fund baby. I wouldn’t disagree. Yes, I have never had to ask for anything in my life. Yes, I did not have to get a good IB score to get an iPhone or my favorite SUV but I am aware that this is often the strategy used by most parents. “Get the highest score in the class and I’ll buy you the phone you want”. Bribing kids to attain the outcome parents are looking for in the name of ‘positive reinforcement’ is certainly not cool. My parents never did that. I am in a position to say that I have lived a very comfortable life. Being privileged means you do not need to worry about your basic necessities being met. Sure, it lifts off stress and anxiety.

However, privileged kids are often known to be synonymous with ‘spoilt brats’ who lack empathy for people who come from a different social class. Speaking from personal experience, in the little eighteen years of my life, I have incessantly felt guilty of my privilege. Everything I had done in my life has been attributed to my privilege. People assume I got a paid internship because my father was best friends with the founder of the company. What they fail to acknowledge is that I got offered a full-time position after my internship period because of my work ethic and patience. It had nothing to do with my family connections.

Be it going to the best high school in town, getting paid internships, or going to one of the best colleges in the country, I know and accept that I am able to get such opportunities because of my privilege- and I remain truly grateful for that. However, I know that people hold certain preconceived notions about me and other kids who have been fortunate enough to be born into wealth.

A lot of times people have assumed that I am ‘mean’ or that I act ‘superior’ because of the family I come from even before striking a conversation with me. This is something that has bothered me for a really long time but I refused to accept it. I refused to even acknowledge the guilt because I was told that guilt is a product of ‘overthinking’. But no, I don’t think so. Fortunately, my family and friends (the people who actually matter) have invested time in understanding where I was coming from. I believe acknowledging (not only my privilege) but the guilt that I attached to it has been nothing short of liberating.

I believe deep down, under the feeling of guilt, there was a lot of fear: fear of not fully exploring my potential; fear of not capitalizing upon the opportunities other people who kill to get; fear of becoming complacent. After healthy discussions with people, I felt *emotionally and mentally* safe with, I was able to learn that these feelings stem from associating my self-worth and esteem with how I performed academically and how other people perceived me. Ironic, since my family has never pressured me to pursue a conventional career or in any way expected me to perform exceptionally well academically. I believe this pressure was self-created and internal to a great extent. This perhaps was a mechanism that led to feeling the need to overcompensate so that other people did not end up feeling uncomfortable.

I have had guys tell me that they find me ‘intimidating’, that they get ‘uncomfortable’ when I go after what I want, and make no apologies for it whatsoever. Having heard that a lot of times in my life, I consciously started valuing their fractured egos over my hustle only to later learn how unfulfilling it is to remain fixated on other people’s unresolved insecurities. I have had to learn it the hard way that there is nothing ‘cute’ or ‘sexy’ about dimming your light and bending yourself backward so that you don’t outperform people. As Dr. Seuss would put it, “Those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind”.

Through this whole experience, I have also learned that I am definitely someone who remains completely unfazed by money and glamour. I know for a fact that I am not chasing money or looking to raise my social standing/ status in any way. I don’t treat people differently if they have had certain privileges in their life (or not) simply because those things hold little to no value to me. To me, the most attractive person in the room is not the person who has the most money or who is the most popular. To me, the most attractive person in the room is the one who works the hardest in whatever they believe in, the person who continues to reject labels and rises above them and finally prioritizes being true to their own self.

So, if you still think of me as nothing but a ‘trust-fund baby’, you will never be more disappointed in your life for I will continue to use my privilege to better myself only to pay it forward. For I will continue to strive to be the hardest working girl in the room. And finally, for I will never again apologize for the beautiful family I come from.